March 27, 2007

You know the feeling you get when you wake up and realize it is the weekend? Or Christmas day? When you think of the upcoming vacation or party or event that you’ve been planning? When you suddenly remember that your going to Italy in a week? Well that is how I feel every time I look at Lucas.

January 17, 2008

I am so in love with Lucas. He is so happy, he loves me and laughs at everything I do, so much sweet, devoted love. He’s pulling up on everything, keeps getting to the TV and when I say “no” he just looks over his shoulder at me and smiles. 

April 8, 2009

You suddenly started calling us Mommy and Daddy. I guess it makes sense since that is what we say but it was such a sudden change. No more Mama.

You are counting: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, L, M, N, O Pissssssssss.  

June 27, 2010

I took Lucas to church today and after church I asked how it was and he said “Good. They were mean to me.”… Tonight he yelled out for me and told me he didn’t want to go to church and didn’t want to go to people’s houses anymore, I said OK, then he asked if there were any ghosts… I know it’s just the beginning of fears and hurt feelings, I gotta toughen up… I just want to hold him, reassure him, be his best friend forever so he’s never hurt or scared again.

March 10, 2011

I just had such a sweet moment with Lucas. I read him “Puff the Magic Dragon” then sang him the song. Then he sweetly asked me to sing it again and was so attentive. As I got up to leave I said “Goodnight my prince” to which he replied “Goodnight my queen”.

Lucas calls me “My darling” and says it with a slight southern, upper-crust accent.

September 4, 2012

Yet another milestone was achieved today, my baby boy went to Kindergarten! He hasn’t been my baby boy for awhile now, not with a baby sister and a baby brother quickly usurping his position, forced to become the big boy. When he turned 5 this year he became an empathetic, responsible, caring and nurturing boy. He’s grown and matured so much this year, I know he’s ready for Kindergarten although he’s been nervous all summer. I’m anxiously awaiting 4:15pm and can’t wait to give that boy my biggest, smushiest hug when he gets off the bus. While Penny and Oliver are both going through a Daddy phase, Lucas is my sole champion and will always choose me, not because he always wants me but because he knows I need it. I miss him, the house is so quiet without him.
October 12, 2013

A teacher just told me that children begin to gain independence from their parents once they begin to read. That explains it. I love that Lucas is reading, but not loving his newly found independence. He doesn’t seek me out when he comes home from school, he just grabs a book and plops down on the couch. He doesn’t ask me to play with him anymore. And this is coming from a woman that still has two little ones clinging to her ankles. Dare I say I’d be happy to have all three clinging to my ankles.

March 5, 2014

There is nothing more poetic, more spontaneous and more memorable than a first. They create an indelible mark on our very fabric. And there is nothing more prescient about a first than their inability to be replicated. And there’s the sting. Until you have a child…

My first child gave me the remarkable opportunity to experience firsts all over again. I don’t remember my first Christmas but I will never forget my first child’s first Christmas. With each day that passes I get to experience more firsts as lived by my first born. The first child that taught me true vulnerability, my first child that I practiced on, messed up on and continue to mess up on, learn from and lean on. Life is real and raw and fresh and vibrant seeing it through my first child’s eyes. Life is full of mystery, fantasy and possibility. Everything exists and there is no comprehension of limits or gravity.
Seven years ago I first met you. I first loved someone more than they could ever love me. And I first realized how scary and lonely this world can be. You carry so much by being my first but you also get my best, my enthusiasm and my firsts.

March 5, 2015

Recipe for an 8 year old boy

Ingredients

2 heaping cups of humor, and not just farts and yo momma humor, but self-deprecating humor
2 cups confidence
2 cups thoughtfulness
1 cup of observation like noticing a haircut, a new necklace or the biggest slice of cake
1/2 cup tenderheartedness
1 cup smart, like street smarts
1/3 cup empathy
4 tablespoons sensitivity to cold, to hot, to sweating, to criticism, to losing, to meanies
2 tablespoons rhythm (if buying pre-packaged rhythm be sure beatboxing and rapping are included)
2 tablespoons smart, like fractions and double-digit subtraction smart
1/2 teaspoon sentimentality
1 large, cozy lined baking pan

Directions

1. Preheat oven with lots of big warm hugs and if its still not warm enough toss in a few foot stomps and huffs and puffs followed by a door slam
2. Combine all ingredients in a large bowl and stir gently
3. Slowly pour all ingredients into baking pan, being sure to coddle
4. Place in preheated oven and wait ten years for it to rise and leave you for college

March 27, 2016

Lucas, you are my first. You get my best and sometimes my worst. As you turn nine I promise myself, I promise you that I will always trust my gut. I will hear what teachers, doctors, professionals say knowing they are educated and experienced and have intentions then I will find the confidence within me that I see in you to measure their words against the details, nuances and history that only I know. You will always have my faith.

March 7, 2017

You get me. You may like video games and bacon like your dad but you and me, we are the same. We get hit in the gut the same, our tears fall the same and our hearts leap the same. I can predict every reaction my surprises, my jokes, my anger will elicit from you. I reserved a game truck, bought and wrapped gifts, and ordered a cake feeling a little guilty that I could have done more because I will always feel that I could have done more. You responded by thanking me three times that morning, twice more after lunch, four times before bed and three more times the next morning, each thank you accompanied by your signature hug; warm and long. You experience and express gratitude with depth and maturity. You live in it, you let it warm you from the inside until it just explodes into bursts of spontaneous dancing and singing. And those of us around you can’t help but just smile and laugh and clap along.

So in this way we too are the same, it just took me over 30 years to figure it out.

“There is more to a boy than what his mother sees. There is more to a boy then what his father dreams. Inside every boy lies a heart that beats. And sometimes it screams, refusing to take defeat. And sometimes his father’s dreams aren’t big enough, and sometimes his mother’s vision isn’t long enough. And sometimes the boy has to dream his own dreams and break through the clouds with his own sunbeams.”

― Ben Behunin