Yesterday was President’s Day, the third day of a long weekend. Our weekend was full of basketball games, Odyssey of the Mind, a trip into DC, a family party and lots of family time in and around the house, in and out of the car. Our weekend was also full of bickering. My kids can rarely have a conversation that doesn’t include one-upping, eye-rolling, heavy sighs of annoyance and outright yelling. Each one knows more than the other and each one finds the other painful to tolerate. Of course this escalates until my blood boils over and I become the even louder hammer that squashes it.  The silence lasts all of two minutes before someone starts talking again and the one-upping and eye-rolling pick right back up.

So by the end of the long weekend I was ready to rid myself of all my children. I needed silence, I needed removal.

What happened to the days when I’d have excitement to spend a day with my kids? There was no sliver of enjoyment I could point to in the past three days. Was I just dead inside? Had I outgrown my children?

At 11pm last nightPenny cried out with a fever. I gave her Motrin and she quickly went back to sleep but I knew, deep down, that this was not going to turn out well. By 11am today I learned she had the flu. I got her medicine, settled on the couch with lunch in her belly, tissues, water and T.V. remote by her side, and I sat at the dining table to do what work I could get done. I texted five different people to coordinate logistics for the evening, to ensure the boys activities wouldn’t suffer and texted another five people to alert them of Penny’s condition for support. I fed everyone dinner, did the dishes, straightened up the house (for fear that I would soon go down and wanted at least a clean house to be sick in), went through homework, washed my hands for the 50th time, asked the boys how their days were and got everyone tucked into bed.

It’s 10pm, Penny is having nightmares so I am sitting on the floor of her dark bedroom. As I look back on my day there is not a hint of annoyance. I missed a big meeting at work, I fell behind on a deliverable, I pushed other meetings aside and yet I am completely pleased with what I’ve accomplished today.

In the coming days Lucas then Oliver and then ultimately I will get sick. I will realize that having to care for my sick children is the exact kind of purpose I needed to right myself. In their sickness they have no energy to bicker over which T.V. show to watch, to complain that so-and-so is touching them. Stripped of exasperation I can see them for who they are; vulnerable children in need of compassion and the love that only I can give.